Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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| Robert Frost,
The Road Not Taken |
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On The Lighter Side
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- "Only the insane have strength enough to prosper, only those who prosper truly judge what is sane."
- Unknown
- "Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."
- Unknown
- "Truth may be stranger than fiction, but academia is stranger than both!"
- Author Unknown
- "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
- Elbert Hubbard
- "Live your life, do your work, then take your hat."
- Henry David Thoreau
- "If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is
play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut."
- Albert Einstein
- "No guts, no glory, no brain, same story."
- Unknown
- "If everything is going well, you don't know what the heck is going on."
- Unknown
- "Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
- Unknown
- "No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong."
- Unknown
- "You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."
- Unknown
- "The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."
- Doug Larson
- "Sacred cows make the best hamburger."
- Mark Twain
- "Time's fun when you're having flies."
- Kermit the Frog
- "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Douglas Adams
- "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein
- "The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
- Calvin and Hobbes
- "With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress."
- Ransom K. Ferm
- "Never try and teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time, and it annoys the pig."
- Mark Twain
- "KGB, most feared organisation on planet!"
Purchaser flashes his IRS ID.
"Hokay, KGB, second most feared organisation on planet!"
- Unknown
- "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
- Unknown
- "Man, n.: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada."
- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
- "What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."
- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
- Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
- Source Unknown
- "The government is very keen on amassing statistics. They collect them, add
them, raise them to the nth power, take the cube root and prepare wonderful diagrams. But you must never forget that every one of these figures comes in the first instance from the village watchman, who just puts down what he damn well pleases."
- Sir Josiah Stamp
- "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
- Ely Standard (British newspaper), Correction Notice
- "If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants."
- Isaac Newton
- "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders."
- Hal Abelson
- "In computer science, we stand on each other's feet."
- Brian K. Reid
- The three laws of thermodynamics:
- You can't win the game.
- You can't break even.
- You can't even quit.
- Unknown
- "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
- Mark Russel
- "All our inventions are but improved means to an unimproved end."
- Henry David Thoreau
- "Remember that Noah's Ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals."
- Unknown
- "God help us, we're in the hands of engineers!"
- Dr. Ian Malcom, Jurasic Park
- "Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw."
- Unknown
- "The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea."
- Unknown
- "I've written a commercial for Apple Computer. It goes like this:
'Macintosh - we might not get everything right, but at least we knew the
century was going to end.'"
- Douglas Adams
- "First law of computer trade journalism: 'No technology exists until Microsoft invents it.'"
- Nicholas Petreley
- "If you don't know where you want to go, we'll make sure you get taken."
- Microsoft, (Ad slogan, translated into Japanese)
- "And oh! It was as though the heavens opened and God handed down a
client-side OS so beautiful, so graceful, and so elegant that a
million Microsoft developers couldn't have invented it even if
they had a hundred years and a thousand crates of Jolt cola."
- Polly Sprenger
- "You think it's a conspiracy by the networks to put bad shows on TV.
But the shows are bad because that's what people want. It's not like
Windows users don't have any power; I think they are happy with Windows,
and that's an incredibly depressing thought..."
- Steve Jobs
- "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- A. Whitney Brown
- "Blessed are they that engage in lively debate with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called Dentists."
- Author Unknown
- "You couldn't sleep either."
"No. I heard about your .. situation."
"I heard about yours. As Mr. Garibaldi would say, it's been one hell of a day."
"Yes, a hell of a day."
"And a hell of a year."
"A hell of a 5 years."
"A hell of a life."
".. You win."
- Vir and Lennier, Babylon 5
- "It was simple. No battle with impossible and ancient foes. We were the good guys and they were the bad guys. And they hit the floor with an agreeable thump."
- G'Kar, Babylon-5
- "All information in this matter is on need-to-know basis. And you do not need to know. Have a pleasant day."
- Senator Hidoshi, Babylon-5
- "You are having delusions of grandeur again."
"Well, if you're gonna have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones."
- Susan Ivanova and Marcus Cole, Babylon-5
- "Humans can be a very depressing people if turned down for dinner."
- John Sheridan, Babylon-5
- "Men who lie to women don't deserve to have wives!"
"Men who don't lie to women don't have wives!"
- Harold and Red Green, The Red Green Show
- "'After all,' he muttered, 'what can they do to shake the confidence of a fellow who's got delusions of adequacy?'"
- David Brin, The Uplift War
- "Or was the universe just suckering him up with a bit of hope before the next whammy?"
- David Brin, The Uplift War
- "Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur."
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
- Unknown
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